


This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

by VaultHuntress



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clint Barton X Reader - Freeform, Clint Barton imagine, Clint x reader - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Marvel - Freeform, Shenanigans, he is wifeless in this sorry, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 14:20:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6614026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaultHuntress/pseuds/VaultHuntress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is the mom friend and Clint and the reader have shenanigans</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr user fairyfangirl is a gem and an angel and issued the challenge. I accepted.  
> Prompts #4 (Don’t use me as an example. I wasn’t a good kid.) #34 (No, I will not stick it in my mouth in the middle of the damn store so you can get a picture. So stop asking!) and #38 (This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in!). I hope I did alright yikes.  
> Y/N: Your Name  
> Y/L/N: Your Last Name  
> Warnings: Language, kiddos

“Clint, gimme some popcorn!” I whined. My legs were draped over his lap as I was leaned up against the arm of the couch while we were watching a movie with Pietro, Steve, Bucky, Natasha, and Wanda.  
“No, get your own,” he said, turning to me and tossing some in his mouth before giving a deliberate crunch.  
“C’mon, Clint! I bet you I can catch it in my mouth if you throw it!”  
“You’re on, Y/L/N,” he smirked and tossed one. I wasn’t ready however, and missed, causing it to bounce off my cheek and hit Bucky.  
The former assassin turned to me, shooting a glare at Clint and me. We smiled sheepishly and I mouthed an apology before he turned around. Clint snickered and ate more popcorn.  
“Come on! Try again!” I demanded, determined to catch at least one piece.  
“Oh my God, shut up!” I jumped and straightened in my seat, swinging my legs off my best friend’s lap. Out of the corner of my eye, I noted that Clint himself had straightened his posture. Natasha was looking at us, a fire in her eyes. “You two are absolute children! We are watching a movie!”  
I swallowed back a remark, knowing it would only anger her more. “Sorry, Nat. We’ll behave,” I said at the same time as Clint spoke.  
“I know you are, but what am I?”  
“OUT, BARTON!”  
Clint jumped up, grabbing my hand to pull me with him. “Let’s go on a snack run!”  
I sighed as I stood. “Anyone want anything?”  
Steve rolled his eyes and stood as well. “I’ll come with you. If I don’t you’ll end up with nothing or everything. Let’s go.”  
Bucky snickered from his place on the floor and slid up into Clint’s former seat, taking the popcorn bowl that was now occupying the end table. “Good luck, Steve.”  
It was true, Clint and I weren’t exactly the most mature members of the team, and certainly not when it was our days off and we were together. But we could be when we needed to be. But sometimes the others forgot how to have fun. That’s where we came in. They’d appreciate us for it one day. Besides, when you have mom-grandpa Steve around and bitchface Bucky, someone has to lighten the mood. 

We made our way to the garage to borrow one of Tony’s cars. “SHOTGUN!” I shouted, racing Clint to the car.  
“No fair! You got it last time!” he whined.  
“Pfft,” I stuck my tongue out once we reached the car, my hand gripping the passenger door handle. “Because I’m a lady, Clint.”  
“Yeah, okay. If you’re a lady, I’m the king of goddamn France.”  
Steve rolled his eyes and muttered to himself before unlocking the car so we could get in. “You two are ridiculous,” he said once we were all seated.  
I leaned over and kissed his cheek before buckling myself in. “You love us.”  
“Yeah, yeah.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Clint said as we pulled into the parking lot of the store.  
“Yeah, Katniss?” I asked with a smirk.  
“Let’s play shopping Truth or Dare,” he grinned. “You in?”  
I shrugged. “Alright. Steve probably won’t wanna play, will you, Steve?”  
Steve chuckled as he pulled into a parking stop and put the car in park. “No, no I don’t think so.”  
“The good kids never wanna play. You probably never used to play til we corrupted you at SHIELD Academy, huh, Y/L/N? Good kids sit out of the game at parties. In fact, they usually avoid the parties so not to be tempted by the heathens. Steve, Y/N, you good two shoes know what I mean.”  
I snorted and shook my head. “Don’t use me as an example. I wasn’t a good kid.”  
“Shocking,” Steve said as we made our way into the store.  
“I’m sensing a bit of sarcasm from you, Cap,” I smirked. 

The three of us made our way around the store, picking out snack for our movie marathon, and some groceries for the week. It was a good thing Clint and I were there because Steve kept insisting that pizza rolls were not a healthy dinner.  
“Steve,” I whined. “They’re not supposed to be a healthy dinner! They’re an unhealthy snack!”  
“They’re for post-drinking munching! Movie snacking! Stoner lunching!” Clint insisted, fist raised in the air.  
“Stoner lunching?” Steve asked, brow raised.  
“What? I have a past, Rogers!” Clint waved him off.  
I nodded and tossed the pizza rolls in the cart. “Your innocent ears don’t need to know, Stevie-bear.”  
“I’m not that innocent,” he muttered as Clint and I walked ahead to grab more food.  
“Hey, Y/N,” Clint said, playfully elbowing me.  
“Hey, Clint,” I elbowed back.  
“Bet you ten bucks I can make Rogers turn redder than the stripes on the American Flag he loves so much before you can. You in?” he asked, an evil smirk on his face.  
“This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in,” I rolled my eyes, confident he’d lose. I stopped and skipped back to Steve. “Hey, Steve. You know, you’re right. With as much running around as we do, we need some more healthy stuff in our cart. Why do we go over to the fruits and veggies?”  
Steve frowned. “What are you up to?”  
I smiled brightly. “Nothing, Steve. What makes you think I’m up to something?”  
“We’ve worked together long enough for me to get to know you at least a little bit,” he said, brows raised.  
I shrugged. “I’m innocent here, Stevie. I just think you’re right. And I DO like grapes.”  
Clint had walked back over and was looking at me through narrowed eyes, but spoke to Steve. “People like grapes, Steve. It’s true.”  
I smirked and turned heel, leading the way to the fresh produce. I had a plan.

When we got to the large section of fruits and vegetables, I waited a bit to stall. Clint was trying to get a reaction from Steve by throwing things at him. It got one, but not the red face he was hoping for.  
“Barton, please. We’re trying to get food for the team.”  
Clint saluted and walked off to grab a bag of apples as I picked up a couple things of blueberries. Tony always hid them in his lab; this way the rest of us could have some too.  
As we rounded the stand to the section with the vegetables, and Steve was tossing a few bags of salad into the cart, I smirked at Clint and grabbed a cucumber. He met my eyes and looked at the cucumber in my hands. “No. No friggen way. Nuh uh, Y/L/N. Nope!”  
My smirk widened into a grin as I spoke, eyes still on Clint. “Hey, Stevie, did you know Clint is a HUGE fan of cucumbers?”  
“Is he?” Steve asked absentmindedly.  
“Yup,” I said, popping the ‘P’. “Huge fan. He can’t get enough of it. You know how much he loves it?”  
“How much?”  
“NO!” Clint interrupted before I could speak again. “You win Truth or Dare, okay? I’m not gonna give the cucumber a blow job, Y/N. Forget it.”  
I snorted and shook my head. “Clint, Honey, I was gonna dare you to lick it, but if THAT’S where your brain is at..” I trailed off, glancing at Steve, who now had his hand over his face. I pulled out my phone and smiled at Clint. “Do it, I need a new contact photo for you.”  
“Ridiculous,” Steve muttered, walking away.  
“No,” Clint said, shaking his head.  
“Come on, Clint, please? For me?” I begged.  
“No, I will not stick it in my mouth in the middle of the damn store so you can get a picture. So stop asking!” he shouted, hands thrown in the air.  
“Party pooper,” I shrugged and put the cucumber back before skipping off to find Steve.

We continued our shopping, Clint and I still occasionally giving each other dares, leaving Steve wondering why he thought it was a good idea to shop with us. Clint was now in the clothing section of the store, stating he needed to pick up a pack of t-shirts before we left. I was walking aimless through the store now beside Steve. He nudged me with his elbow. “So have you told him yet?”  
“Have I told who what?” I asked, meeting his baby blues.  
He smirked at me. “Have you told Barton how you feel about him yet?”  
I shook my head insistently. “You know I told you that in drunk confidence, Rogers, don’t you dare say a word to him!”  
“Say a word of what to who?”  
I turned my head and blinked in surprise as I met Clint’s eyes. “Erm--” I hesitated, unsure of what to say, until I remembered the bet that neither of us had won. “That we’re dating!” I hooked my arm around Steve’s body and smacked his butt, causing his eyes to widen.  
“What? Y-you’re dating?” Clint asked, frowning.  
I nodded. “Yup. I just couldn’t resist his--patriotic charm!” I said, plastering on what I hoped was a convincing smile.  
“You two. Are dating?” Clint repeated. Steve seemed to be speechless, glaring down at me in shock.  
I rolled my eyes, annoyed that the butt slap hadn’t done it. So I did what any sane person would do in my situation: I grabbed fistfuls of Steve’s shirt and pulled him down for a kiss. When I pushed him away a minute later, his face was red as a tomato. I pumped my fist in the air and exclaimed, “YES! You owe me ten bucks, Barton!”  
“YOU DID THAT FOR A STUPID BET?” Clint shouted, attracting the attention of the nearby shoppers.  
I shrugged. “Calm down, Clint. It’s no big deal.”  
“No big deal?” his frown deepened. “No big deal?”  
“Barton, calm down. Take it outside, you two. I’ll pay for our stuff,” Steve urged. He glanced at a woman and her children who were close to us. “Sorry, Ma’am. You think Hulk gets angry, this is what happens when Hawkeye doesn’t get fed,” he tried to joke. I rolled my eyes and tried to grab Clint’s hands to pull him out of the store.  
“Let’s go, Barton-bear. We’ll talk by the car. Fresh air,” I frowned when he pulled his hands away from me, but was glad he still came outside with me. “What’s your problem, Clint? It was a stupid bet. If it’s that important to you, you can keep your damn money.”  
Clint scoffed. “Yeah, sure it was about the bet. You just wanted to get your mouth on Fourth of July Ken doll in there,” he pointed back at the store with his thumb.  
I gave a short laugh and gently shoved Clint’s shoulder. “It was like kissing my brother, dude. Worse, my mom. Because he’s basically everyone’s mom.”  
“I’m sure,” Clint frowned, now leaning against the car and crossing his arms.  
“What’s your problem, Clint? Even if I was into Steve, which I’m not, you like him. I figured you’d approve.”  
He huffed and straightened, now pacing as I sat on the hood of the car. “Because it’s not me, okay?”  
I blinked in surprise. “What?”  
He stopped and met my eyes. “I’d be more likely to approve of the guy you’re kissing if it were me. I’ve fucking been in love with you since we were in the Academy together, Y/N. Then after we graduated I didn’t see you for ages. Nat would tell me when you two worked together on missions. I never got to work with you, which was shitty. Then you joined the Avengers and it was like I could breathe again after fucking years of not having my lungs with me.” He continued his speech while pacing, not noticing that I’d now moved closer to him until he stopped and I was right in front of him.  
“You can see things from so far away, things no one else can. But you couldn’t see that I’ve felt the same about you?” I smiled gently, shaking my head. “You’re ridiculous, Clint Barton.”  
He smirked. “You like it.”  
“Can’t argue with that,” I shrugged, placing my hand on his chest. With that, he grabbed my face and captured my lips in his own. Through the fireworks I felt, I heard someone clear their throat.  
“Guys.” Steve. “We gotta go.”  
I held up my index finger as if to say, “One minute,” as I continued kissing Clint. Clint apparently did too, because I saw his held up as we pulled away and smiled at each other. I saw Steve roll his eyes once more before turning to put the groceries in the car. I grinned at Clint and nudged him before turning to help Steve. When we were done, Steve went to roll the cart away, and Clint pulled me into his arms and kissed me once more. When we pulled away this time I tapped his nose and whispered, “I still get shotgun,” before quickly climbing into the vehicle.  
So what if we were ridiculous? It was part of our charm.


End file.
